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UNCOUPLING - MEDIATED AGREEMENTS TO SEPARATE

Each year millions of couples end relationships.  The termination of a marriage, while painful, does have a formal process for legal, financial, and emotional closure.  The legal process supports married individuals uncoupling. However, unmarried couples are usually left to struggle unaided with this difficult process.  Couples who have lived together without marriage often face complex problems.  These couples may not be married by personal choice, or because of the legal obstacles faced by gay and lesbian partners.

Mediation can help.  The process utilizes a neutral individual, or often a team of two, who are trained in the skills necessary to help couples deal with the practical and emotional issues that surface at the end of a relationship.  The mediator does not represent either party. The mediator's goal is to gain agreement on issues without escalating hard feelings, in the spirit of fairness to both parties.  Unlike the court system, where the dispute is public record, mediation is a confidential process.  The individuals "own" the process, not the court. 

Divorcing couples usually work with a mediator as a part of the legal process. An agreement developed in mediation is reviewed by attorneys, and may be utilized to shorten and simplify the process of divorce.  As a result, the cost for the divorce is significantly reduced. Additionally, the couples tend to be more satisfied with mediated agreements  because mediation is co-operative, not adversarial.  The higher level of satisfaction with mediated agreements saves the additional cost, and emotional toll of ongoing disputes.  Unmarried couples have the same needs.

Couples who have not married still may need to address property, financial, and often child related issues. Child custody, support, and visitation agreements are often decided as a part of the mediation process.  Mediating an Agreement to Separate, will allow for formal discussion, understanding, and closure of these issues.  Without a process that results in a formal ending of the relationship, disputes may be ongoing and costly.  Often the "cost" will be emotional, and may be directly related to safety issues on the part of a partner, or even the children.  Without mediation, unmarried couples have little opportunity to formally review the financial and emotional inventory of their relationship. Just like divorcing couples, unmarried couples need to have closure; to put the past behind them, and go on with their lives.  Mediation can help.

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